I say this because, just about all day, I've had server errors and incomplete page loadings. On or off Wi-Fi. On or off 4G service. I thought it may have just been school being a jerk to me because I clicked on a few wry links on Reddit. But no, I think it's just the internet as a whole.
Besides that, today seems to be a headache day. Things are going well, so I don't feel too off.
I had a fun conversation with a guy at the Verizon store today about Mass Effect; specifically, Mass Effect 3! It may have been my shirt which proudly states Mass Effect 3 with Shepard on it... That may have been it. Can't guarantee anything on that.
I'm starting to feel more comfortable overall on things. More in balance. I forgot that when I went through my big meltdown a few years ago, the only way I really was able to change how I was acting or what I was doing, was to constantly remind myself what exactly it was that I needed to do. Since I've felt off balance, meditation and a constant reminder to "find my balance" has worked quite well. Changing your self talk - that's what it's about. Change what you tell yourself.
This year has ripped past me so quickly that it's hard to really gage where i am right now. I mean, I guess it's September 11th. 11 years after the terrible events of that morning.
And when I think that it has been 11 years? Wow, I mean... Really. Wow, you know? That was a while ago now. Like I said, this past year went by like it was nothing. I've been so mentally busy that the days have sort of blurred together.
It's not necessarily a bad thing that everything has crashed together like this... But it's definitely different. I was used to slow progression. I was used to things happening in their own time. I was used to just... Being off balance all the time, waiting for other people to make up their minds.
So when this year came about and I had to start making my own decisions, making my own choices, when people began to demand from me who I am? I really didn't know what to tell them.
I still don't. I'm still trying to find myself among the days.
I wish, that right now, I had an exact picture of who I am. I wish I was able to sit here and write it all out. Even if only for myself. I want to know who I really am. Where I really stand on certain issues. What kind of person I am.
People keep telling me that I'm such a good guy. That I'm this that or the other thing. It's not that I don't believe them, it's that... It's hard for me to understand where they're coming from. Which is also weird, I think.
I think I'm sort of rambling at this point. I'm going to try and write some before my next class starts. So... I'll write more later.
If you actually read my posts, thank you. I know not many people actually either care or know about my blog, so if you take the time to read this or follow my winding and wandering path through life... Thank you.
I'm planning on re-doing the entire layout of this blog soon. So expect some changes!
No comments:
Post a Comment