Is it possible for someone to be hopeful and optimistic, wishing and imagining nothing but the best, but also be so full of cynicism? These two parts of my mind right now are warring with one another, basically summing up to zero. It's a muted battleground with ideas flashing in and out of existence, exploding into life then being doused with a doubtful rain.
Though it's hard to even describe it as that. It's not that dark; it seems to be focused around central ideas, mostly.
Which is the strange bit. It's both and neither at the same time for me currently. I can't say it's due to a lack of sleep, but it's almost as if it just shifts back and forth constantly.
I think it's just people in general that make me feel so cynical outward, but be optimistic internally. That's a better representation, I feel. I'm not so cynical with myself, but I am with others. People I don't know, really. Society as a whole, mostly.
I've really got nothing witty, nor inspiring to say today. My iPod is playing just about every song I don't want to listen to and my thoughts are a jumbled mess. Hey! It sounds like every day! Hah, I crack myself up.
Besides feeling mildly lonely today, class has me (once again) feeling tired and disconnected. I need to fix that this weekend while (if) I have time. It's not like I don't have the time. I just tell myself I don't have time and I listen.
Although, I've gotten quite good at keeping an agenda! Or calendar... I recently acquired a white board and in conjunction with my calendar I have on my wall next to my computer (the white board takes up the wall on the other side), I've been doing quite well in reminding myself of things! Dates, times, things to do... I've been forgetting less and less, because I always look around myself and play with things around my desk. One of those things happen to be the dry-erase markers of my White board.
This makes me insanely happy that I'm starting to forget things less and less. It's almost therapeutic, due to the fact that I was having trouble remembering to pick up my phone off my nightstand when I go to leave for school. Yay for absent mindedness wearing off!
It's like a haze is slowly being blown out of my head. A haze that has sort of sat over me for the past... Half a year to a year or so. Maybe.
I don't really know. I do know that I could use a hug right now.
Besides the newest Imagine Dragons album (which is pretty decent!), I have no real video to post this time. It's sort of becoming a reoccurring theme for me to actually post a song with each post. Not this time! Maybe next time.
... Maybe next time.
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