I've... No idea, really. I figured I would start this whole thing, because I mean... Really. I've been meaning to have one since who knows how long, and I even had a friend of mine set me up one some many moons ago but, as you can see, there's nothing here. So if you're here for one reason or another, you obviously have a reason to want to read what comes out of me on a day-to-day basis.
If you're someone new, or someone old, someone I know or someone I don't, welcome. Hopefully, you won't be too terribly disturbed by what you see in here.
Anyway...
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I've been writing today! Well, for the past two days I should say. I have seven pages of hand-written manuscript that I just love. I'll possibly post an excerpt from it. I mean...
Even though it's a fanfiction of Mass Effect 3...
We'll ignore that spot right there. Lets just... Sweep it under the carpet. There we go.
I love that series, I really do. If only it ended better...
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My mind has been a literal minefield recently. It's been blown up, shot, sliced and utterly destroyed over the past few months. My heart has been there right through it all, as well. It's hard to describe exactly how I feel at this point. It's hard to put it all to words and that's saying something. I could start at the beginning, but there's too much to really go over. So maybe parts will be stretched out and strung along as I try and write this. But let's be honest... Who's really going to read this anyway? Except you, of course. If you're reading this, well then... You're one of the few. <3
I have someone who's very close to me, who sadly... Has become un-close over the past few months. This has been something I've taken very hard because, well... I thought we would be together forever. You know, the whole "planning of futures and marriages and future homes" sort of leads one to believe that they've found their perfect match.
We've been together for years. Friends... Lovers. She is quite honestly my best friend. There are things I've told her that no one else on this planet knows. Not even my scribbling writing books that I fill with page after page of dribble. She knows me even better than I know myself.
Then suddenly, my entire world came crashing and screeching and screaming to a halt faster than I could have ever imagined. It all fell apart one night and quite honestly I've been trying to pick myself back up ever since. It's hard to think about what I need to do when I have this... Giant whale in my room, "OoooOooorrrrr"ing at me every three seconds, trying to get my attention and make me feel bad that I've got a friggin WHALE in my room. They like being in the sea, with their other whale brethren. Not in my room taking up all my space and screaming at me with one of the loudest organic sounds known to man!
Anyway, weird analogies aside, I've come to an impasse. Recently, I sort of... Screwed up. I know what I did, and I'm not going to repeat it here. Needless to say, we're not talking. And as much as I try to tell myself that things are alright and that it's not the end of the world, nor the end of our friendship, it feels as if it is. It feels as if it's my fault, and if I had just kept my mouth shut and dealt with my own pain like a man is supposed to (?) I wouldn't be in the situation I am right now. I feel terrible. I can't really think straight. Even this blog is a desperate attempt at grasping at my own mental straws at the moment.
...When everything came crashing down, it was in the middle of the school-quarter. I nearly quit caring. I almost stopped doing anything relating to school for nearly a week or so. And in a quarter-based college system, a week is a LONG time to not give much of a fack one way or the other.
Thankfully, I didn't tank school. I finished with two B's and an A, which I'm actually rather proud of. I stuck with it. I'm proud that, for once, I didn't let my emotions override my need to get through it and prove to myself that I'll be alright. And I do know that... I will be alright. It's just... Convincing myself that I will, is the hardest part. Trying not to turn toward any vice to get myself through this hard time... That's a bit harder. I'm not drinking, thankfully. I don't like drinking actually. I don't do drugs... So it's not like I can escape.
I just have my writing.
And I've been escaping into that quite regularly. Or at least trying. And I guess that's what's important, right? At least we try.
I just wish, I hope... That things can get better. That everything isn't lost. That this... Will all just pass. "Time heals all wounds"... Pfft. Time sucks.
Anyway, I think that's good for a first post. I'm going to go wander outside in the dark for a few minutes.
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