Things Are Different Now

Thompson Square - Glass

Trying to live and love,

With a heart that can't be broken,

Is like trying to see the light with eyes that can't be opened.

Yeah, we both carry baggage,

We picked up on our way, so if you love me do it gently,

And I will do the same.

We may shine, we may shatter,

We may be picking up the pieces here on after,

We are fragile, we are human,

We are shaped by the light we let through us,

We break fast, cause we are glass.

Cause we are glass.

I'll let you look inside me, through the stains and through the cracks,

And in the darkness of this moment,

You see the good and bad.

But try not to judge me, 'cause we've walked down different paths,

But it brought us here together, so I won't take that back.

We may shine, we may shatter,

We may be picking up the pieces here on after,

We are fragile, we are human,

We are shaped by the light we let through us,

We break fast, cause we are glass.

We might be oil and water, this could be a big mistake,

We might burn like gasoline and fire,

It's a chance we'll have to take.

We may shine, we may shatter,

We may be picking up the pieces here on after,

We are fragile, we are human,

And we are shaped by the light we let through us,

We break fast, cause we are glass.

We are glass.

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I figured a different sort of post would do good here. Something different. Something... Better. Something a little more upbeat, a little happier.

Or a shift all together in the direction this blog will take. I want things to be different. I want to be different. I want to think differently. I want to move, and flow differently. I want to break through this world, this life and feel new again. The funny thing is, I already feel new. I already feel reborn.

I already have someone who I feel that I can love again; truly love. She's funny... She's kind. She's sweet and smooth like glass. She calls me on my bullshit and does it with a smile. She makes me think differently of myself. She breaks me of my mold. She helps make me think differently of myself in every way and then some.

It's hard to describe just how amazing she actually is. She's different from me... So different. It's refreshing. It's new. It's... It makes me feel alive. It makes me feel new and different.

And I'm excited for it all. This new experience... Whatever it might bring for me in my life, I'm ready to take it on. I'm ready to grow up. I'm ready to become the man I know I can become. I'm ready to solidify and stop being so indifferent about life. I'm ready to take up my hat and set it firmly on my head and be called who I am for who I am. I'm ready for my identity. I'm ready for my life to finally begin, for myself.

I want to be brave. I want to keep my head held high and look on toward the horizon with a wonder for what's to come and a reminiscent thought of what has come before me. The pages of this book that I've written so far are stained with my blood, sweat and constant fingerprints. I've turned those pages and cried over them enough. It's time to take out my pen again and start writing. It's time to keep going and not stop. I can stop writing when I'm finally laid to rest in the earth with a smile on my face, whenever that day may come.

I think I'm done with making excuses for myself. I think I'm done trying to improperly rationalize where I am and give it a particular and specific reason. I am where I am now because of everything that's happened in my life. I can't blame one thing, or one person. I can't even blame myself. Everything that's come along has been one piece to the story. Everyone has their place, each character... Each setting. Each flow from one page to the next, with my mind pouring across it and deciphering it. My life is my own novel. It deserves to be written by me, from now on. To have the input from others, but to be written by me... I can't expect nor let other people write my story for me. Or think that they want to.

I have to be my own person. I have to have my own dreams and ambitions.

While I'm still struggling with what those are... I know I would love to be a writer, of some kind. I want to learn to play an instrument, whether that be the drums, piano or guitar. I want to learn to remix music. I want to write a novel someday that gets published. I want to help people, somehow. I want to be stronger; I want to run a full marathon someday. I want to look back at all the surgeries I've had and put them firmly behind me and not use them as a crutch or as an excuse... Because I know people who have been through a lot worse than I have, and are blowing past me. Those are the people I find most inspiring. Those are the people who I find I have the most admiration for. And one of those people just so happens to love me for who I am, and has faith in me. So I know I can do it. I know I can keep going.

This blog will be changing, soon. I will leave the old posts, because that's who I am. Those are the pages of my life that I've written with everything I have. This blog will be about the flow of my life. The political, economic, physical and emotional changes I will go through over the next few years. I will post stories I write, political rants I have, artwork that I draw up and anything else that can flow from me. If you continue to read what I post here, I thank you. Because you took the time to read all the crap that I throw into here, and that means a lot to me. It shows me you care, even if you never say anything. Even if you're another one of those anonymous statistics, for just visiting and reading.

Be who you are, no matter who is watching. Do the right thing, especially when no one is watching. Feel free within yourself to grow. Follow your dreams, even if it breaks your heart. And don't forget to love yourself, because you're worth it.

G'night. <3