Now I'm Mad Again

Seriously. Who the hell do people think they are? Sure, I've been on vacation for the past week or so but that doesn't mean my stress level has been any better.

With my brother in law driving me out of my skin and people on the internet being total fucking retards, I really haven't had much brain space.

Excuse me if you think this is directed at you. If you read this and I know you but don't know that you read this, well excuse the hell out of me. Don't take it personally, I need to rant right now.

First, I will speak on the matter of my brother-in-law.


I love my sister. I always have. When he broke up with her several years ago, I got very defensive and very cold to him. It's been difficult to see him in the proper light ever since. But when you act like a two-year-old all the time... And I mean ALL THE TIME... And can't really complete a thought to save your life? In other words, get from A to D and know that B and C come in between? Yeah, having to pick up and help everything along the way gets very frustrating. I can't even imagine it from my sisters perspective.

It's driving me insane. It's one reason why I can't wait to get back on the road and head to Ohio.

I've also had my choices to not have children reinforced by this week. While I love my niece... I don't want her around -all- the time. I can't... Really take little children 24 hours a day. The screaming, the crying, the temper tantrums and the stress you get when they're around from their parents when you're just trying to be left alone? Not cool. Seriously.

But I do love and adore my niece. There's no question there.

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Next, I believe will be the rant that I -was- going to go on the other day but decided against. The more I think about it, the more it seethes within me and makes me gnash my teeth.

People who pretend that they have no responsibility in a situation infuriate me. People who literally take no responsibility for their own actions and who feel the need to blame everyone else in the world but themselves? Yeah, I have no need for them anymore. I won't make excuses or play nice. I've tried. For years, I've tried. I've taken all the weight, all the burden on myself. I'm exhausted. I'm just tired. Physically and mentally, I can't take it anymore. I've spent too much money, cried too many tears, and felt too much pain over the situation.

Don't think yourself so high and mighty. Don't think your shit doesn't stink just because I never said it did. It does. Very badly.

An apology would be nice. Perhaps a dialogue. A one-on-one talk that should have happened months ago but didn't. Perhaps things could be different now. Perhaps less stress could be shared on BOTH sides if it had!

But no. Walls were thrown up. Defensive positions were taken and communication lines had been cut in the night. Both sides were quiet. But whenever one side would launch rounds at the other, nothing would happen.

I feel like the fucking 38th Parallel between North and South Korea; always yelling at each other or just being silent. Snarling and gnashing teeth at one another but not really getting anywhere. When the peace discussions happen, they end up failing or not even progressing in one direction or another.

That's what I feel like. A like of demarcation. This is something that should have never happened.

God, it feels good to say that. To get it out in the open. It's time for me to air my dirty feelings a little bit, seeing as everyone else seems to think they can use me as their fucking pin-cushion and punching bag all at once all the fucking time.

So excuse me if you think this is directed in any particular direction. These are feelings that have been digging at my stomach and mind and giving me nightmares and fitful nights of sleep.

Most importantly...

Take responsibility for your own actions.


If you sit there and rant and rave without trying to talk to the other person AT ALL, don't be surprised when you get a nastygram in the mail.

Being the better person doesn't mean shouting that they're being childish, or that their actions are silly. That just adds fuel to the fire. A lot of fuel. A lot of fuel that can make someone rather vindictive in what they can do.

You want dirty laundry aired? I've got a fucking laundromat full of it.

Don't make me pull it out and start throwing it in the streets. I'd rather not.

I'm not saying I will be vindictive, but someone who has taken a lot of shit and taken it quietly can only take so much before he's choking and dying from how much is actually suffocating him.

If you want to be friends still, the ball is in your court. If you want any sort of friendship, I'm always here. Don't tell me I'm your friend and then not talk to me to see what's up, or why I'm doing what I'm doing.

A hi every now and then does wonders to keep friendships going.

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This rant went on a lot longer than I thought it would, but it's made me feel amazing to let it go. To just... Say it, you know? Because I'm tired of being the punching bag. I'm tired of spending my energy to fix a situation, or to always be the one to apologize when I've not even done anything.

I'm done crying over spilled milk.

Peace out. <3