Every Day

Whew... It's been almost ten days since my last post. A lot has happened since then and... It's been weird. The past week or so has honestly been a long and strange trip in and of itself.

The panic attacks started about Wednesday. They were mild at first, happening only every once and again. But they began to come more often and be more intense.

By Saturday, I had two while at school, one after I got home, then two or so more while at work. I could hardly function because my chest felt as if it were about to come out of my chest. The internal stress was getting to the point that I was about to break.

Sunday... Sunday was fun. I spent the day with my family out at my sister's farm. I got to ride their new horse, Stella. She's a beautiful, kind hearted animal who I just adore. On Sunday, I only had a mild attack that I was able to deal with...

But Monday was a different story. I woke up and felt dead. I was as sicker than I had been for a long time. I couldn't breathe and I couldn't stop coughing. My head felt as if it were trying to split open. I couldn't walk. The stress had finally taken its toll on me. But the nice thing about getting sick was, I wouldn't have another attack.

The day passed quickly, as I was unconscious for most of it. I got a doctors appointment for Tuesday, which I went to and got some cough-suppressants, some anti-biotics...

And something else.. Sometimes, you just have to admit when you need extra help... And I know when I do.

I'm still sick and my writing here is suffering because of it. It's pissing me off, but I'll get over it.

There's so much more I want to write, but I don't know if I can right now.

Things are getting better, they're just taking a little longer to come about than I would like.

I'll write more this weekend, when my head is back on square. <3