So with the power being out, I've had plenty of time to sort of sit, vegetate and sort of think on the past several months of well... Everything. I've caught up on my sleep, on my mental processes, and where I want to be in my life. I've had several "ah-hah" moments as well that have really set things in the right direction. It's interesting, if we're taken out of our normal elements and routines, just how well we can think. (We as humans, that is.)
During this time, I've been vaguely browsing the internet when I get a moment to myself to sit and think. Not like I normally do, at that. Just sort of languidly puttering from website to website, hopping to reddit, skimming through Facebook, that sort of thing. But not really keeping myself tied to my electronics. During one of these little excursions into the net, I stumbled on a post on Reddit that went along the lines of, "What's the best way you've dealt with a breakup?" So... I decided to respond.
I wrote out my entire story. It took at least a half an hour of constant typing to get it down in that little comment box, and I was skimming the surface of the entire story as I went. The timeline was a bit confusing to me when I thought back to how I wrote it, but I felt it was relevant to the posts direction. Left out names or any important bits of information that could reveal identities, checked it... And submitted it. When I hit send, it was a liberating experience. It's funny, too. Because I haven't really been able to write it all out like that before. I haven't been able to really speak about the entire thing in one go - it's normally little snippets here or there that really mix and jumble together. I've come a long way.
So I let it sit there and stew, amongst the hundreds of other responses. Because of how long it was, I knew it wouldn't hold that much attention to the people of Reddit, but I hoped. Before I knew it, people were responding. Telling me little bits of their stories, telling me how good of a story-teller I am and that they too have been through similar situations as mine.
One person in particular brought out one of the most profound bits of wisdom out of me. They had said that they had been through a similar situation and that, "Nice to know there could be greener pastures."
I sat there for a second before responding, "There's always greener pastures. It's sometimes just hard to see through the haze and smoke of what you thought used to be your life. Just remember, when the field is burnt, it'll always grow back greener."
It made me smile, because this was a sort of mental turning point for me. The past few weeks have been a big mental turning point in my progression with this weight that I've had holding me down. And the fact of the matter? I don't need this weight to hold me down anymore. I don't need the stress, the strain, or the story to showcase who I am or who I will become. My life, now, is going in the direction I want it to go. Not in a direction someone else wants it to go. I have my peace of mind. I have my own closure. I have my self respect.
I've also made the solid decision about where I'm going after I graduate. Or what I'll do, when I'm done.
I'm currently working for my dad in a new business that has to do with water purification. If everything goes well with this, my career will take me all over the world to help people who don't have clean water. I also talked about this in my last post.
If that falls through, I've made the conscious decision that I will be going after a career in the military, somehow. Either in the Air Force, or the Navy. I'm not sure which, but one of them would most likely take a college graduate. Either or, in reality, would be an excellent choice.
Things have just sort of come together over the past few months to help direct me on the right path of my life. It feels nice.
I think I might read now. I'll make another post sometime either today or tomorrow. Hopefully by then, I'll have power.
